Whew... what an evening.
Today was an interesting day. I had my highs and my lows. It started out like any other normal day for me. Get up, drink my coffee, get kids up and get them ready for school. Pretty much same old, same old.
I did get out of the house for a bit with a great friend. We went yarn shopping. Lots of fun. I know some may think how can yarn shopping be fun but when you are into crocheting, it can be. The only frustrating part of my shopping excursion was Kid 3. Whew, that kid. He is really coming into his own. He is very independent and very strong willed. I was having one of those "wait until we get home" moments. Well, several of those actually. As soon as we got home, he ate and went to take a nap. Not for him but for me. I do believe nap time was inventing to maintain the sanity of the parent. And boy do I need my sanity.
Talking 'bout sanity. Unfortunately, that nap didn't help. He got up as Kid 1 and Kid 2 got home from school. I could already feel the frustration in me building up. The tension. It was about to snap. I had to reign that frustration in and hold it real tight! I felt like one minute things were okay, not fine, just okay and the next things weren't. My mood reminded me of that cartoon that came on years ago Katie Ka-Boom where Katie would be fine one minute and something would trigger her to blow off the next minute. Though, I didn't blow off
I had the boys have their snack and go relax before doing homework. But somewhere along the evening, the frustration was fraying, piece by piece. The boys weren't listening. And the house, well, it was a mess. Kid 3 was being Kid 3. Kid 1 and Kid 2 were fussing about homework and what to read and not to read and "I don't want to do this or that". The typical homework whining routine. It is getting old. Way old. I'm trying to bargain or rather reason with them. I'm trying to tell them "I give you something, you give me something in return". I'm not sure that is working but we'll get there.
I know that I need to find that "balance" that as adults and parents, we all need to find. I tend to find myself in situations where I'm on either side of the spectrum, never in the middle. I believe that the main cause of my frustration is the organization of my house. My physical house. I tend to get so caught up in things that I let other things slide. I have loads of laundry to fold and still wash. Rooms to clean. (Though the boys are in charge of their room and that frustrates the HECK out of me. I want to do it so badly but I won't and refuse to because they need to learn responsibility.) And just trivial things to do around the house. However, I am currently in crochet mode and reading mode. However, reading will always remain a constant in my life. Without reading, my life is dull. I need to read. Plain and simple. With crocheting being a focus in my life right now, I've let the organization of my house fall apart. I saw chaos around me and my brain was on overload. I was beginning to get anxious, jittery and literally felt like screaming.
Once I got the boys in bed, I took a minute and breathed. Just breathed. I looked around and knew what I needed to do. Tackle the never ending drama in my life. The Kitchen. I tell ya, walking in that kitchen, I had to roll my sleeves up, put on my fighting face and get to work. It really wasn't that bad, I just don't want to do it. I loathe cleaning the kitchen. I mean hate it with a passion so intense that it could light a freaking fire. But, I gotta do it. It is one of those things that will NEVER EVER in my lifetime go away.
All the while I was cleaning the kitchen, I was thinking. Funny how such a meaningless task can help clear your mind. I thought about the boys and my life. I thought about why oh why do I feel this way at times. I thought about my blog and "oooh what am I gonna say". But you know what? When I finished cleaning the kitchen, I felt a load lift off my shoulders. I literally felt lighter. Yes, there is still crap that needs to be done in the house but I don't feel as frustrated as I did before. Imagine that.
I know I will need to figure out how to get things done without getting so frustrated and to make my life easier. You would think that at 3?, I would already have it figured out. I don't. I'll get there someday and if I don't, it's not the end of the world.
BTW, the garbage disposal sensed my frustration and decided to go on strike or finally die. Not sure which but that's a task for another day.