Ever since I started blogging, I knew I needed some changes. I wanted something different in my life. (Here's my first blog post: Changes)
I'm not sure that I've achieved those subtle changes but I feel that I am getting there. One day at a time as I try new things in my life.
As a stay at home mom, I can't ask for anything more, right? Or so I've been made to think when I read other blogs or posts or whatever from other SAHMs. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being a SAHM and I love my boys dearly but I realized I needed something more.
At the time when I decided to become a SAHM, I needed that in my life. I was working with folks that really stressed me out. The job was fine, I loved what I did, just the folks weren't easy to work with but I digress. I had the opportunity to stay home when my youngest was born. I welcomed that opportunity with open arms. I was much happier. I thank the wonderful people who made that opportunity a reality for me. They helped me as I in turn helped them.
Fast forward to 3.5 years later. I had gotten to the point where I was just sitting around the house doing nothing useful with my life. I was spending WAY to much time on Facebook so I decided to get rid of it. One of the best decision's I've made thus far. I was beginning to feel inadequate. I was beginning to feel like I wasn't contributing to my family. I was beginning to feel like I wasn't doing anything, nothing, useful with my life. I was beginning to feel like I meant nothing. (It's hard to admit this on a forum where anyone can read it but if I don't get it out there, I'll be stuck in a rut.) I really hated that feeling. I felt like I was approaching depression. I don't want that. Even thinking about it scares the heck out of me.
Yes, I took care of the house and the children and stuff like that. But you know what, I am more than that. I am more than just a stay at home mom. I am more than just a housewife. I am more than just a mother. I am more than just a wife. I can't and won't settle for just that. Does this make me sound selfish and ungrateful? I hope not because life is not about settling. It is about pushing yourself and discovering new things about yourself. Things you never dreamed of. It is about being courageous and exploring life! I want that. I want all of that. So, I'm getting there. Slowly but surely.
I know at some point in the future I will need to go back to work. At least I think I do. I need to keep busy. I need to do more with my life. I can't just do the whole mom and wife routine and not do more with my life. I know some people are content with just that but not me. Not at all.
So, I started crocheting and I truly enjoy that. It does keep me busy. It keeps my brain fresh with learning new stitches and seeing my creations come together. I love that.
I also started reviewing books. Now that I really enjoy! I love reading. Reading takes me to a different world. It is truly my escape. I find it both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I get to travel to different places, see new things (in my mind), learn about people (albeit made up people) and so much more. It is a curse because I read these stories and wonder what my life would be like had I been in those situations. Not the fantasy stories but the ones that are more true to life.
Anyway, reviewing books has given me an outlet to connect with the world, even if it's just virtually for now. I find myself happier than I've been in a long time. I feel, for now, like I am making some sort of contribution. Even if it's just helping authors get their books out there. Even if it's just helping readers find new books. Granted, my little blog is just that, little. :-) But I love it. I truly feel like this is a part of me, another creation that I am proud of. In my mind, I have these huge plans for my little blog to eventually make it into something bigger.
For now, though, I will continue as I am going. I will continue sharing little tidbits of myself as I continue into my journey into subtle changes of myself. As I continue crocheting. As I continue reading and reviewing books.
I hope that you will join me on this journey and share your thoughts with me. For those who've read my blog and continue to do so, I thank you for your support from the bottom of my heart. It means the world to me.